Planet Ezzie (19. Survivor guilt)

5 of SWORDS. Defeat.

Conflict, disagreements, competition, defeat, winning at all costs.

An ominous card for today, and I’m not sure how it related to my day. I’m back home now. Although the disaster zone is still clumsy … closed, the periphery has been cleared for traffic. I could tell when I arrived home that my power had been out at least once. As today was my off day, I went out for supplies. My usual grocery store was in the zone, but still standing, so I had to find my food elsewhere. On the way home, I donated some canned goods to a local food pantry for the disaster victims.

Tommy’s liaison … um, lesson was today. Although he seemed untouched by the disaster, Thaddeus had come to live with them. While his home wasn’t completely demolished, a roof joist had pierced the wall of his living room and all the windows had exploded. Two holes in the roof had been tarped over, but had let in a significant amount of water during the storm. An insurance adjuster is supposed to have a look tomorrow to decide what the best course of action was.

My bedtime wander took me to prison … out onto the patio where Thaddeus sat waiting.

“Hey, beautiful!” he greeted.

“Hey, yourself,” I replied. His soul was definitely more beautiful than the flesh. “Have you had a look from above?” I asked.

“No. I don’t fly much,” he answered. “I prefer to keep myself on the ground, in a human shape. I take it that you have learned to fly?”

“Not so much as learning. I just did it by accident. I couldn’t see the tornado, so I was suddenly up in the air over the treetops where I could see it. It was strange, as if I had been yanked out of my body so I could witness it, and see the two departed souls as they passed to the next world.”

“That’s possible, I suppose.”

“Who would have done it?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “There are beings even more ancient than us who step in to teach us things we urgently need to know, to prepare us for our future. My guess is that it is important for you to learn to fly quickly, and to learn what happens after death.”

“I’m not sure I understood what I saw. What did you mean by in a human shape?”

“When you do certain things, like fly, you don’t hold your shape as well. You become more like a plasma blob. You might recognize yourself, but others may not. I don’t like the feeling afterwards, as if I need to re-acquaint myself with my body.”

“My soul was soaking wet, and I felt like I was swimming inside my body later. And I felt very depressed about what I witnessed.”

“The swimming I understand. The depression was probably just your normal human reaction. Have you flown since?”

“Once. The depression was still there, but I have to admit to a certain amount of exhilaration, being up in the air and not being completely terrified. I’m normally scared of heights.”

“And when you returned to your body?”

“A little like being blended in a blender, but in a good way.”

“How could it be a good way?” he laughed.

“It was like my soul was so happy to find each individual familiar cell of my body. It was almost a post-coital feeling.”

“I didn’t need to hear that. Be careful not to fly too far away, for too long, or too often. I’m sure your demon is taking the opportunity to find your body’s weakness while you are out.”

“Does she have that much control? Why can’t I see her like I can see you?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t know if she can see you in this state, but she can sense when your soul is outside your body.”


“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m going for a swim, now, but you should get back.”

“A swim?”

“I’m normally terrified of water, but my soul isn’t. Just like your fear of flying, I want to take advantage of it when I can.”

Although he ran off to the pool, I stayed in the playpen … err, on the patio. As I’ve said before, I don’t have much control over when I return to my body. I sat and waited for about a half hour, then I saw Tommy look out his bedroom window. Almost the next instant, I was back in my body, in bed tapping at the computer.

Yes, my body was tapping at the computer, recording my conversation with Thaddeus, as if it was important that I remembered it verbatim. Nothing was Earth-shattering, except that I didn’t stagger … stutter at all. Is that what I was supposed to remember? I’ve had to insert the context retroactively.

Why did Tommy look out the window?


heavy with the scent of jasmine,
the tepid air of seclusion
in my private garden,
a presence, pure life,


a fog rolls in from the sea
blind unrest, fear
a silhouette
the weight of uncertainty


lightning slays the night,
Thor blasts his anvil,
violence breached, tamed,
peace, solitude


a star blinks between mottled clouds,
a beacon from the distance,
an alternate universe,
another time


…and the wind whispers back

your name
softly whispered on the wind
green forever in all directions
meeting the sky
dark and brooding

I, your Goddess
naked in the grass
waiting for you
in a sultry drizzle
my storm is brewing

only I can take you there

echoing the distant thunder
my heart beats for you
I am hungry
the embodiment of desire
of passion

I summon you
my love slave
but to serve you
as you would me
my minions are well-treated

you are here

I’ve waited long for you
the rain quickens
pours between my breasts
they long for your touch
your taste

a shirt clings
to your chest
better off
I crave the smell of a man
drenched in a spring shower

I free you

don your shirt
your trousers, your essence
to be in you
as you will soon
be in me

lightning flashes
we change roles
your turn to undress me
thunder blasts
in your touch

I want you

push you to the grass
I rule you
and you crave my rule
my touch, my tongue
knees squeezing your hips

nature unleashes its fury
heaving with me in my lust
but to please you
I know your needs
as they mirror mine

I love you

all-consuming love
I give myself to you
your dreams, peaking
and in the height of my storm
I scream your name into the deluge

…and the wind whispers back