More Late Nights with Ezzie Dryar (28. Damn!, swearing)

No dinner tonight. I arrived at Janice’s house at 6 pm and it was dark. I crapped … err, knocked on the door. Nothing. I didn’t see her out during my run this morning, but I suspect that meant she had gone to work. I wasn’t required until the afternoon, so I ran a little later.

Two days in a row? I haven’t done that in a long time. I was hoping to see her, but maybe I should have been out there at six or seven. Some people do work too much … um, normal business hours, you know. Perhaps there was a problem, and she didn’t have my phone number.

Maybe she just blew me off. It wouldn’t be the first time. I seem to be prone to it.

It’s too bad. I needed to be with someone today. Anyone. I said something in rehearsal today, that someone took wrongly. I won’t repeat it. It was BAD, and what is worse, it wasn’t a misspeak. It was a comment about one of the old perverts … err, older violinists of the Symphony, and I had misjudged how much he was depleted … um, respected. That was stupid, and I knew my mistake as soon as the words vomited from my mouth. Whatever respect I used to have is gone now. I used to be that eccentric Brit who was the ace third horn player, who was reliable and never cracked a note in public. Now I’m just a foul-mouthed bitch in the back of the orchestra.

Maybe Janice heard about what I said. A lot of members of the Symphony play for the Ballet. It isn’t beyond the realms of possibility.

What else is there worth talking about today? Nothing.

My card … well, yes:

FIVE of SWORDS. Defeat. Loss, malice, spite, weakness, slander. A separator of friends. Cruel yet cowardly. Evil speaking.

In a word … me.

Fuck.

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