Planet Ezzie (32. Fear and Desire)

Photo by Kate photo from Pexels

It’s really distracting … a frantic sex dream, but nothing like what Beatrice inspired. I was something completely different, decidedly unhuman. Exquisite, and my mate mirrored me. Beautiful, and he knew how to pull my strings. I say he, but do I mean he? Was I a she? Was this race binary? As it was a dream, my recollection is imperfect. I would create it if I could remember it well enough.

I’m still Gaia Esmeralda Dryar, but with red hair, blue eyes and perfect. I define perfection. I’m beautiful, if I say I am. There are no beholders to judge me.

Did I create my own image or have I developed over time? What is time?

I define time. I start things and let them go. The less I pay attention to it, the faster it goes.

I stood at the top of the highest mountain today, higher than Everest. Much higher. No human would have enough oxygen to breath there. Over 35,000 feet. Will the people of this world attempt to climb it, or will it recede before these people exist.

I need to have sex, but with who or what? Something tells me that will create the dominant species on this planet, not me creating it. They need to be spawned from part of me, although I don’t know if that is their spirit or their bodies.

Everything, all existence, all my orbs are part of me, but this is different. Is this universe complete when I create this species? Does that set the rules in motion?

Concentrate Ezzie. That’s Tommy talking. I need to know what my capabilities are. Are the rules set, or can I change them now? Can I tweak them? If I can subconsciously change the weather, I must have something I can do.

Trust your instinct.

What is instinct? There are certain things about me that are not in my control, my dreams, my urges. My instinct is an unconscious force.

An unconscious force will solve this problem.

Where will it come from? Deep emotion. Need. Desire. Desire? Tommy knows what desire is, but he doesn’t understand it yet. He’s never met a girl he didn’t like. He would say the opposite, but he liked Brenda Huffman in fifth grade, Sarah Patchett in sixth, and Leane Evans now … actually Leane and her twin sister Laura. He can’t decide between them.

Tommy doth protest too much. I’ve seen what is in his mind. If he lets me use his hands to type, there are some residual stray thoughts that seep through. Puberty is in full flow now. Yeah, Leane. They are identical … very identical … but he can tell them apart. Little does he know. He’s in for a surprise.

I shouldn’t interfere, but somehow I’m knowing a lot more about them and their futures than I should … and Tommy’s future. Is what I see set in stone?

Why is this important? I don’t know. By the way, Leane plays trumpet and, Laura is the last chair horn player (for now).

I know far too much now, and I dread what that might mean.

Mine removed


I knew he would come,
our place since the beginning of time,
our time.

This is our watery garden,
our Eden without that damned tree,
pure and untouched.

He knows not why he is drawn,
pure as the driven snow,
in his dream.

When he last visited,
it was my dream,
his beautiful flesh,
my paradigm.

My spirit sat on this log,
here since ancient times,
but he couldn’t see me then,
not like now.

He can’t help noticing a woman,
the most beautiful he has ever seen,
as we were created for each other.

Forever I wait for him in the mountain tarn,
fed by a waterfall, borne of a force,
an underground river
bursting from a cliff face.

This lake is our love,
still and pure,
with its source from a higher power.

I will always love him because
I remember.

He forgets until he sees me,
wonders at his newfound love,
One that he understands not.

Natural, yet he is Earthbound.
I will teach him again,
but when he awakens,
he will marvel at his dream.

He’s had one like it before,
I know because I know his thoughts.
They are mine, removed.

More Late Nights with Ezzie Dryar (2. Powering Down)

It’s nearly 4 am. We had a thunderstorm around midnight that knocked out our power, and only now has the electricity returned. My luck … uh, battery ran out around 2 am, so I’ve been burning in hell … err, huddling next to the fire for two hours waiting to post my blog tonight. St Louis can be rather cold in October.

Nights like tonight, I wonder if my life is ruled by my tarot deck. Tonight’s draw was:

10 of Disks: POWER. (inverted) It usually means prosperity, but inverted it can mean insecurity, a mild loss, or heaviness.

Tonight it had little to do with electricity. Max – that’s my trumpet player’s name – sent me an email asking me if I wanted to chat on the internet. I’ve always avoided it, because you never know what it might lead to. In my weakness I gave in.

It wasn’t I who was the wielder of flower … power tonight.

One poorly timed stammer, and I found myself trading places … um, glances … err, sexual innuendos with him. I think that was what he anticipated, so it wasn’t long before I found myself staring at my webcam touching my naked self for his benefit, something he refused to reciprocate – video, yes, but his clothing stayed on. (He claimed his wife was sleeping in the next room.)


I would swear I heard someone with him when I climaxed. (I knew he was just faking it, and no, I didn’t know he was married – the prick.) At that point I was too far into it to care.

Now is another story. I’m certain he decorated … decoded … um … recorded it, and I’m certain he plans to use it against me. (If you followed me in the past, you already know how insecure and depraved I am.)

My weakness last night has translated into complete idiocy tonight. Can’t wait for tomorrow.