Planet Ezzie (50. The Path to Enlightenment is a Bumpy Road)

This is difficult.

It’s Laura here (and Leane). Ezzie asked us to write just the facts, but it is hard to resist the temptation to say more. We think she knew it would happen today, but not how.

It was quick, at least. A single bullet to her temple. A hit. Mushed up her brain and blasted out the other side.

I (my spirit) was sitting in the back seat, as I had the responsibility for the first watch of the day. A pop, driver’s-side window exploded, and the right side of her head sprayed its contents onto the passenger seat. The now driver-less car veered slowly back and hit one of the TV trucks. I see it in my mind in slow motion. Panic. Realization.

I blinked away to find Lee, and we returned to the front porch to watch the aftermath. The town is in lock-down, since the sniper is still at large. There has been a single claim of responsibility by a far-right Christian paramilitary group, but the police have ruled that out, saying that group hadn’t been active in this area for years. As nobody could see us, we were able to eavesdrop on their conversations.

They pulled an ambulance right up beside the car, but there was no urgency about their actions. Ezzie couldn’t have survived that. Within a couple of hours, they had zipped her in a body bag and carted her off to the morgue. It took them quite some time to find where the shot had originated from. An upper window three doors down. The owners had left town, the assailant was long gone. It was an amazing shot from that distance, they said.  Late into the night, they are still processing the scene.

What’s next? Nothing. Ezzie’s soul is off finding a new host, or she might be gone into her Orbworld. This universe is intact, so she hasn’t destroyed it.

Ezzie has asked for quiet memorial service here, and her ashes returned to her family in London. She has left me her Paxman, and Tom her Alexander. At least that is what she told us last night. Lee didn’t want anything. She is heartbroken, perhaps in shock. It is going to take me longer to process this. I need to keep myself busy, so I have emailed Jem and Becky, who should arrive tomorrow or Wednesday. Wilf was in Chicago, so he should be here shortly.

She has also asked that we not use her blog as a memorial, and treat her death as one trial on her next step to Enlightenment. We will, however, leave her blog up for posterity.

Gaia Esmeralda Dryer has taken her next step into her future. All she has touched will miss her.

Planet Ezzie (49. Microphone drop)


Photo by Marcelo Dias from Pexels

I’m back in the land of the living tomorrow, at least at uni as well as a lesson with Laura late in the day. My students haven’t been seeing much of me over the last month, so I can’t miss them again tomorrow.

Today’s card:


Ordinarily I love this card. It usually represents completion or a reminder to finish what one has started. It can also represent the power of the Will, taking control of one’s destiny, as well as reaching a new level of Spiritual Understanding: Enlightenment.

Is my work done here? Have I learned too much about myself to be an effective non-interventionist creator? Or is it just this life that has reached its zenith? Is this the end of my bodily existence or the end of my spiritual time in this universe?

Both Leane and Laura are here tonight and are very concerned.

Personally, I would like to get through my Pittsburgh and Indianapolis concerts before I depart, and I would want to say goodbye to the two most important people in my life, Jem and Becks, as well as my family.

I look at my last three draws:

Princess of Wands (me) –> Love –> Universe (could also be expressed as love, but more of a passing to enlightenment)

In case this is indeed the end of me in some way, I took a whip around spiritually to see everyone. I gave Becks and Jem kisses on their cheeks. I think both reacted, although I’m sure Becks didn’t know who or what had touched her. I think Jem knew. I think she could see it coming from a long way off. That’s why she was staying out of it. She seemed on the verge of tears after I kissed her.

I hugged my parents and siblings, although none knew it, and I have left instructions with Laura and Leane about what to do if it all goes wrong. I also took a visit to the Orb. Surprisingly, their time is now aligned with Earth time, so I was able to say goodbye to Leane II as well as Laura and Tommy, also not forgetting Kyra, my daughter, who looks healthy and strong. I may not remember their Orb in my next life – or I may be in it. Who knows?

If this is goodbye, dear readers, then I wish you well, even those of you sending me hate mail. Your karma will even it out eventually.

*microphone drop*

Planet Ezzie (48. Sweet Pickle Relish)


Photo by Bruno Thethe from Pexels

I’m struggling to understand the card I drew this morning.

TWO of CUPS. Love.

Unity, harmony, partnership, things going well in one’s life.

As I’m still holed up at home, I wasn’t likely to strike up the band … err, a new partnership. At least the foul weather continues to slim down the thighs … uh, press corps. I just need to outlaw … outlast the news cycle, and I’m showing sighs … signs of doing just that. Soon people will forget the woman who stepped onto a frozen pool to slip away from Mom … um, the mob.

It also looks like I’ll be back in my seat at the symphony next week. The world is quickly forgetting about me, the reluctant creator. Don’t call me God. That implies I’m omniscient, which I’m not. I don’t sit here and think about who’s naughty or nice and whether you should get coal for Christmas.

Wait, that’s Santa Claus.

I’m a creator not a controller. What you do with your life makes little difference to me. What happens to you in your next life is determined by your spirit/soul, where it wants to go and what it wants to do. At least that is how I read it. Again, there may be a being in which I exist that exerts more control. You exist in my reality – in this particular Orb, and I exist in … I don’t know … perhaps myself. I’m clearly a delusional narcissist.

So what does the headline say tomorrow? God doesn’t give a shit about you. I suspect it would be something more sensational and less crass. (It will probably be on page 4, anyway.) You are just an asshole … err, atom in the ocean of existence. Face it. That’s just perspective. You are just one of a global population approaching 8 billion. If there are millions more populated worlds like Earth in this universe, well … do the math.

You might think this Goddess is a sociopath. You can think whatever you want. If you don’t like it, create your own universe.

The bottom line is that I accept what I am. I have created my universe and have set limitations on what I will allow myself to do in it, for the sake of the viability of it. I protect this universe by allowing myself only limited knowledge of what I am.

So while I’m on this roll, let me just say that I am what I am for love of you, but I don’t give a shit about you.

Is that pickles … err, perfectly Claussens, claustrophobic … um, clear?

(That’s funny, I don’t even like pickles … dill ones. Sweet pickles are OK, relish on a hotdog. Am I hungry at 3 am?)

Planet Ezzie (47. Yeti)


Photo by Matt Hardy from Pexels

When I named my daughter Kyra, they said it meant first born. In what language? I don’t know. They spoke directly to my understanding, as did Leane II.

I believe I have answered Leane I’s question now. How could Laura II be Laura without Leane? By creating Laura II, I also created Leane II, as they are inseparable. They are different species on different worlds, but they exist in the same universe and have a psychic connection. I couldn’t say if they will ever meet in the flesh. Well, I say flesh, but one is clearly a plant person. They are spiritual monozygotes, so they will forever inhabit the same universes.

Leane nodded. She is with me tonight.

The press mob has shrunk somewhat, but I guess the rest figure I will need to come out for food at some point. They are right, but I have enough for a couple of more days. I did dare to go out to pick up my mail today, as I knew my new tarot cards would be there. The weather helped a little, too. It has been murky and slushy with a freezing drizzle since my miracle. Am I causing that? I don’t know, but it meant I could bundle up, and they didn’t press too hard with their questions, which I ignored.

So, my first card from the new deck is:

Princess of Wands (inverted)

Appropriately, that’s me. With my current visage, I can no longer claim to be Queen of Wands. Jem would say that I was never the Queen. I’m too young inside, and too volatile. Inverted is logical. I can’t be myself in the current situation.

My German composer friend also delivered on his promise. It is quite a piece. I will have to do things with my horn that I’ve never done before. (I know that sounds kinky.) It will be difficult for me as well as the orchestra, but I’m a specialist in this sort of thing, and I have a couple of years to learn it. I started today. The press probably had no idea what they were hearing outside.

I need Becky here to play through the piano reduction with me. Aside from the fact that I doubt anyone else could play it, it just wouldn’t be right to embark on something like this without her.

Becky, please come. Pack your bag and hop on a plane. I’ll even pay for it. I miss you.

I didn’t visit Orbworld today. As much as I want to bond with my daughter, I fear for her if I do. She may be a full-grown adult by now. I don’t know how quickly time passes outside of Eden. Perhaps inside Eden, it is a year or two to an Earth day. Outside, it could be even quicker. I know it fluctuates, though, especially when I am there. I don’t want to affect their society inordinately.

I need to play the yeti.

As I was doing on Earth, but now there has been a confirmed sighting. I don’t know what to do. I’m not ready to give up being Ezzie Dryar yet. Speaking of which, I think I have stopped aging. If anything, I’m still getting younger.

How could that be? I can’t answer that. How could I even notice in such a short time? I just know. Am I like Merlin, who lived his life backwards? I couldn’t say. All I know is that my body is becoming more and more like my spirit image, except for the crew cut. Hopefully, it won’t keep going.

Leane has a test tomorrow, so she’s heading home. I’ll say goodnight now, too.

Planet Ezzie (46. Polychromate)


Photo by Marcelo Dias from Pexels

I was asked not to come to religion, come … um, come to rehearsal today.

But that isn’t how the day began. My front garden … (sorry, American English) … yard was full of journalists, TV crews, photographers, and the day started with a ring on the doopsnik … err, doorbell at a preciously … precisely 8 am.

Being a fraud, frog, … erg, night-owl, you know I didn’t appreciate that. (Not that I had slept anyway.)

“Fo Guck yourself,” I shouted through the door. That wasn’t what I meant to say, but you get the idea.

The personnel manager from the orchestra phoned at nine. There were already press outside the hall awaiting my trivial, travel … arrival. Stay away until further notice.

Have I lost my job?

In case you haven’t noticed, I sent Laura and Leane home. I don’t want them exposed … err, exposed to the press, who are still outside. I know that only their spirits are here, but it is the principle of it. I also have to remember to be dressed at all times. I think they caught me early this morning. I can’t even bare … (well, yes I did) … bear to look at the Internet.

I was shut in all day (physically, at least), but one good thing did happen. Deep in my avalanche of email today, I found a massage … message from the German composer, conductor that I mentioned a few days ago, bassist … basically begging to write me a concerto. The news about me yesterday fired his investment portfolio … err, inspiration, and he was up all night sketching me … a piece. Apparently, it is more than half baked … finished. Hell … he’s going to email it to me tomorrow for my approval.

After lunch, I’d had enough of it. The doorbell ringing instantly … incessantly, so I blinked out. I spent the afternoon with Laura II and Tom II in Tess d’Urberville … erg, in Orbville. I’ve been negligee … neglecting them. They are up to 6 children, and the older ones are sleeping on the patio. I think I (at that time) decided on four different genders, as well as 3 different skin colors. I hadn’t noticed the subtle differences before. It wasn’t until the youngest were born, identical twins, with identical skin colors that I noticed the differences between the others. OK, I’ll divulge, the twins are azure blue, indoors, and more greenish in the sunshine. I won’t go into the others.

In that world, I am tetrachromate, and my own skin color changes a subtly with my surroundings. Now that the eldest are more verbal, drink … think young teens, I notice how different I am from them. I think they might be quintachromate, as they have repainted my house a pale olive that I find slightly degenerate … disgusting. Laura and Tom’s room is a sort of crimson brick red with a yellow ghost – that’s the only way I can describe it. In private Laura calls it “cumguzzler,” meaning that it is a sensual color that elicits an almost hypnotic coital desire in them. That might give a clue to how they copulate there, although I haven’t witnessed it. She added that most colors there are packed with extra-sensory emotional content.

The color of my hair reflected in my skin tone inspires worship. She said that it is difficult for her to resist kneeling before me in certain light. That would explain why the eldest keeps bowing before me in the dining room. Indoors, my hair is more burgundy, but in the sun it is a vibrant crimson. Laura admitted that it is actually very close to cumguzzler on a sunny day. That might explain why I didn’t see much of them after I went outside. The eldest hasn’t quite reached puberty yet, or I don’t know what he would do.

I probably shouldn’t have ventured out of Oz … Eden today. I suspect there will be a population spike soon. The nearest city was quite close. I could easily walk there. I forgot about clothing, so it’s a good thing that it is clearly optional there in the summer. Nevertheless, I couldn’t escape the stares, and the occasional procreation … err, prostration. Five genders, maybe, and a rainbow of skin tones. Lot’s of French kissing, or well maybe that is … you know, sex. I couldn’t be totally sure, at least not until I asked for directions to the city center. He (I say he, but I don’t honestly know. He is the same gender as Tom.) embraced and kissed, and I had a great white whale of an orgasm – a big sloppy spurt down my legs – yes, I didn’t know I could. I think it might have surprised him, too, but only a little. He smiled and pointed directly ahead of me.

The city was much more than I imagined. They were technologically advanced, perhaps beyond Earth, but different. No obvious devices were carried, but there seemed to be some extra layer of communication. Some appeared to know I was coming before I arrived. Strangely, there were no vehicles. Everyone was stunningly beautiful, at least to me. The buildings were subtly colored, a pale cream with lots of secondary blues and pinks in it.

As I strolled towards the city center, I felt different, heavy, but almost as if I was floating. Those who I passed fell in step behind me. It seemed I was in for a greeting, but what I received … or what took place, was totally unexpected. Arriving at the Octagon (that was its shape, of course), everyone prostrated themselves. I assumed that it was the light, but looking down at my belly, I found an almost transparent layer of skin containing … a baby. Furthermore, my feet weren’t touching the ground. I really was floating. It wasn’t just a sensation.

The man who had apparently impregnated me, guided me to the center of the Octagon, and then also prostrated himself. I felt sick for a moment as the sac burst releasing the baby delicately into my arms. Aside from lacking a belly button, she looked exactly like me, well, an infant version of me. The crowd applauded loudly for an extended period of time. My guide implored me to name her.

“Kyra” I said. I don’t know why I chose that name, but the man seemed pleased.

“Ah, first born,” he whispered approvingly, taking the child from me and holding her for all the crowd to see. “Come,” he beckoned, leading me all around the Octagon, so that anyone who wished to touch the child, or me, could. Most did. Many kissed my hands, or licked them, depending on gender. It was a gesture both sensual and reverent at the same time.

As we returned to the center of the Octagon, my guide asked, “will you return?”

“Yes, someday,” I replied, but I added, “my time is different than yours, but I will return when I can. In the meantime, I will send my people to live amongst you. Please treat them as equals.”

“We already know your people,” he answered. “They are one with us, and we look forward to their coming.”

“Thank you,” I said and kissed his hand.

He bowed and spirited our child away.

It was time for me both to leave and release Laura and Tom, as well as their family, from my Eden. They would not, could not, go back. That Eden was mine again, and the world was born. Laura and Tom were excited to leave. I was the only one who was sad. They would live in the time of their people, and I might never see them again.

At moon-rise, I left to visit my moon womb to reflect on the day. My body had already returned to normal, but the inhabitants there sensed a difference. One reminded me of Leane, although they looked nothing like each other. She seemed to have a perpetual question on her lips, well, figuratively speaking. (She didn’t have a mouth.) She moved like Leane even in the low gravity environment, and she was a thinker.

Her thought formed in my mind: Mother.

Of all the times I had been there, no one had dared touch me, but this time she brushed my cheek with a wispy frond. It was the gentlest, most loving of touches.

Daughter, I thought. This pleased her.

It was time to go. I held out my palm to her, and she stroked it with what I could only call a branch. It, too, was as soft as baby’s skin.

Now, I’m broke … back. I had a baby. I made contact with both my legacy worlds. They embraced me as one of them, even as I was clearly a dud,  … err, different. I need to face the reality of Earth again. The TV vans lit up the street, the journalists surging every time I peeked through the curtains. The Internet buzzed with an illicit nude picture of me taken before I knew they were spying.

What am I to drink … do?

Planet Ezzie (45. Woman Freezes Pool, Flees)


Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

Why did I go to the pool today? I thought I could use some exercise, and it was a bit cold for a run. I thought I had become used to nudity, or near nudity again. My scars are still there, but are almost invisible, except in indirect lighting.

Or when I’m wet. I hadn’t thought of that. Water beads on ordinary skin,but not on the scars. That left a strange pattern on my body, one that I can’t really describe. Someone made a comment, and soon I was surrounded by acquaintances asking me about the lightning strike, before someone mentioned that they read my blog.

“Oh, you’re the one who thinks she’s God,” she scoffed. “Prove it.”

I demurred. She insisted. Then the others tried to pressure me. I was surrounded, and the woman was turning aggressive. I had to think of something fast, something I could do that wouldn’t catastrophically change the universe. The problem was that I didn’t know what would and what wouldn’t. I tried to leave, and I would have appealed to the lifeguard, but he was part of the crowd. There was no one left in the pool. It was escalating out of control. I thought about dissolving someone’s bathing suit, or changing its color. I didn’t think anyone would notice the latter, which was the safer option.

Backed up against the edge of the pool, I froze it.

You read that right. I froze it solid. Not just the top. I froze it all, the entire depth. I turned, ran, and splat. I fell flat on my face, sliding almost to the middle. The more I tried to stand, the more I slid around.

I unfroze it, swam to the opposite side, and ran … all the way home through the cold slushy snow in my one-piece. A mile, barefoot. Fortunately, I had a hidden key. Luckily, nobody followed. Shivering, I ran straight into the shower, not waiting for the water to warm. It didn’t matter, everything felt boiling to my hypothermic body.

I had to go back. I left my keys there, my clothes, my car, my phone. I dressed, walked back and waited outside until I knew it was relatively clear to get to the locker with my clothes in it, pleaded with the person at the desk to let me in. She had seen me run out, but was unaware of the reason, so she let me in. I was able to get to the locker room and retrieve my belongings without going through the pool area. That was the last of my luck. As I was leaving, one of the persons who had been by the pool harrassing me noticed me and shouted out.

Again, I ran, but this time straight to my car, yet they surrounded it, so that I couldn’t move. Fortunately, my intervention at this point was more subtle. I was terrified, and that seems to always affect the weather. This time it was heavy thundersnow. A nearby lightning strike chased everyone indoors, so I was able to speed away. The storm was widespead, causing the cancellation of my afternoon rehearsal, due to heavy snow, six inches locally.

That left me at home all afternoon, too frazzled to practice. I could see tomorrow’s headlines all too clearly.


I couldn’t imagine what the tabloids would say. Do the tabloids monitor suburban St Louis? Was there CCTV footage? Surely, there had to be. Will people believe it?

What can I do?

Both Laura and Leane are here to comfort me, and Laura says that it has already hit the web. Yes, there is footage. The memes fortunately concentrate on me sliding around on the ice. There are two videos on national news sites, one grainy CCTV clip of the whole affair, but someone had closer color video from their phone. They slowed down the moment the water froze, catching me stepping towards the ice before it actually froze, arguing that I knew it would freeze before it did. Somebody has also connected me with the snowstorm. Only a light slushy drizzle was forecast for today.

Was that any better than me walking on water?

I’m fucked. I don’t expect to sleep tonight, but I think Laura and Leane should go home.

Planet Ezzie (44 Goddess Complex)


Enter a Photo by Marcelo Dias from Pexelscaption

Is there a God?

You might think that a strange question coming from me. I’ve been Catholic, Wiccan, and back again around the rosie. Now, this delusion that I’ve been suffering from gives me a single clear answer.

What am I?

Goddess, God. Who knows? I am the creator of the universe in which I live, as well as numerous others, which I may or may not have lived in. I would guess that I have lived in some of them, but not all. I suspect that there are some that I started up and left to develop, in a Nietzsche-like way. God is dead, you know. There are so many of them, all forgotten except this one and the one Laura II and Tom II are in.

Leane just snickered. She’s here tonight. Laura has a algebra test first period tomorrow. I’m treating Laura and Tom as King and Queen of their universe. I don’t know what they are, or what they will be. Right now Laura II is a baby factory and Tom II is her stud. Frankly, I don’t know how they have sex nor the gestation period. I haven’t asked. The gestation period of the plant people on their moon is almost instantaneous, but that may be my warped view of time there. To be honest, it isn’t obvious how Laura and Tom have sex, or which one carries the child. For what it is worth, neither has a bellybutton, and neither do their three children. The third child appears to be a third gender. How can I tell? It doesn’t have the same packages as either of its parents. How is that possible genetically? Don’t ask me. I’m not a geneticist.

They will soon out-grow my house, and then I guess it will be time to unleash them onto the unsuspecting masses. There are a lot more cities now than when I last reported. What will their role be in their universe? They aren’t the founders of the population.

My readership has exploded recently, and I’m receiving many more comments. Many think I am nuts, or as I suspect, delusional. Frankly, it doesn’t matter if I don’t inflict it on anyone else. You may read my blog or not. There is, however, a legion of followers or acolytes. That’s a little scary. Look at Jesus. His people executed him, as well as many of his followers. I’m not teaching or advocating anything. Well, maybe I’m a toffee-nosed liberal, but I’m not saying that my readers must be.

I’m a hands-off Goddess. I won’t judge you. I won’t send you to heaven or hell. If Thaddeus is correct, if you are a migrant soul you will reincarnate on Earth. If you are a transitory soul, you will reincarnate somewhere else, presumably in this universe. I’m not sure about demon souls or untransitioned souls like Beatrice. Your guess is as good as mine. She is an unintended consequence, I suppose.

Yes, I’ve had death threats. I suppose that is why the girls are babysitting me. I don’t know what they can do as spirits. Blink home and call the police? If someone really wants to kill me, it will happen. It’s like killing off a character in a story. If that character is unnecessary to the plot, then the writer removes them.

Now Leane really looks concerned.

I haven’t answered her unasked question yet. Anyway, I don’t want to be worshiped. I just want to live my life like you do? My Orb is here. I know my days are numbered. It’s my escape pod. Is this my last incarnation? Am I abandoning this universe to its own devices? If I could remember, I would tell you. I would be completely honest.

Am I completely alone? The first of my kind or last? The Alpha and the Omega? Is the being that watches over me actually … me? There is no sense in trying to solve my paradox. Have I created in my own image? If you think of my image as chaos, then perhaps I have. Laura II and Tom II are beautiful. I can’t stress how true that is. They don’t look human … well not completely … enough, but not enough. Thaddeus was beautiful. Laura and Leane are.


Maybe I’m not getting enough sex. (None at all lately.) Leane is blushing.