More Late Nights with Ezzie Dryar (26. Lost, swearing)

Christa and Dana are gone. I’ve never let myself become the maternal sort, and that prevented me from becoming too attached to Dana. Christa is more where that instinct hit home. As a student, she was much like a daughter to me, one that I fortunately didn’t have to raise and suffer through her teens. She is an adult and in love with me, but I can’t help that. I love her, too, in a different sort of way.

I got fucked … lost on the way home from the airport. Before I knew it, I was in Springsteen … Springfield, and that is quite a distance too far. I don’t know how I got onto I-55 either. It was dinnertime before I made it back home to East St Louis. Was that a vestige of my possession? Probably not. I was conscious the whole time, thinking of Christa and being lonely … and Allen.

Why haven’t I made any friends here? Am I just too weird for them?

By the way, I need to clear something up. Allen did dispose … depose … err, propose to me last year, but we couldn’t find a priest for our date, so the wedding was delayed, and then I had to come to St Louis, and it kept being put off. Allen didn’t push it, and neither did I. I think he knew me too well.

I only realized that I was still wearing the ring while I was driving, around the time I hit the signs for Springfield. Sadly, I’ve taken it off now. Do I send it back? He hasn’t asked for it. I should give it to him next time I’m in heaven … err, London.

FOUR of WANDS. Completion (inverted).

I don’t think I even need to explain that one. Inverted, that means it is imperfect, incomplete, unreliable (there’s that word again), and over-anxious. (So much for being settled or clever!)


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